Productive days!

Getting back into my sewing cycle has helped my mood quite a bit. I had a couple of productive days and that has helped so much. I have this huge stack of "almost" finished things for the kids. Almost everyone has at least something cut out and so there is only a little bit of planning left to do.

Feeling tired and pushing at the same time, sometimes it doesn't work as well as I would like. My hands hurt and it is too cold to get outside for my walks.

A couple more Christmas decorations put up, the house is looking somewhere between festive and cluttered. I'm not sure how to make room for the rest of the bins to be unpacked, but we'll see.

And thinking about how to re arrange my schedule next year so that I don't run into the same problems again. I keep saying that I need to start in January, and maybe just once I will. with the adults. Now wouldn't that be a nice change!

catching up is hard to do

I'm not sure why it is that the only thing that makes me feel whole is my work, and yet I will do anything to delay getting to work. I've done quite a bit of decluttering and cleaning again this week, but my list of sewing projects is still huge and not going away at all.

removing one social contact and rearranging another has left me feeling sad and not really wanting to do much at all. the changes that life throws at us are often not as in our control as we'd like them to be

but then again, our reactions to them are totally in our control. i keep saying that i need to take better control of my life, and while i have made some great strides in that direction, i think more that i need to decide where it is that i want to be and, as a matter of fact, who i want to be.

a friend of mine on facebook posted a link to this "be happy" slide show, which ended with me subscribing to yet another self help email. the difference is, this one asks me right from the beginning "how engaged are you".

i guess that is a good question. how engaged am i? for the most part, i still feel like i am watching the parade go by, instead of marching in the parade. i need to learn to march. or at least ride a float!

goals goals and more goals!

i looked at my "to do" calendar today, and discovered that the end of september was the last time i got all of my to do's turned into ta da's. that is a long time to be behind.

now of course the question is, how do i catch up.

first, i am delaying the projects that i have no hope of finishing before christmas, no matter how hard i try.
and then delaying the projects that are not "due" before christmas

that leaves me with 26 projects. due this week or before.
so with a goal of 4 per day, the list would shrink dramatically before my next check in next monday.

and how many did i get done today? well, lucky for me, the day is not over.
except for button holes, two are done. three more are almost done.

i think sewing instead of writing and watching tv would be Such a good idea

off and running!

sometimes night is not what you'd think

another sleepless night has left me with no energy today. i really didn't feel like doing anything, so i just gently moved from task to task.
3:30 found me changing the ink in the printer, and with that job done, it was much easier to make myself do a lot of the printing that i have been putting off. forms that i needed done, patterns and information on the cfids selfhelp class i am doing

how is it that i deal with the things that i can't get done. they suggest delegating, but i have no one to delegate to. living alone does have it's challenges!

stress seems to be eating away my energy at a faster rate than usual. i'm having some trouble even thinking today.

Just sometimes

it is really hard to even remember to write anything in my blog. i really want to, and i think of really good things to write, but them something happens and i can't at all remember that i even wanted to write any at all, let alone what it is i wanted to write

beginning to get some of the christmas decorations out. i guess it will be fun to have some new things to look at, but the main reason i want to get the christmas out is to go thru it and figure out what i can eliminate and not have so many bins to put away next year. i want less. much less

it seems that i'd be happy with just that. less. i'd love to spend my days decluttering and moving things from here to there to accomplish just that... less. i'd rather clean and go thru this junk than work. of course the problem is that i really need to work!

the last thanksgiving i hosted was the thanksgiving after my mom died, and this years celebration was hollow at best. nothing wrong with the day. sara and andy prepared a wonderful dinner. just the feeling of not being able to get together with the kids makes things feel so different.

the ta da list for today is not as good as yesterdays, but not too shabby for a "day off"
three of the four mock ups ready to be mailed
cleaned the sewing area
moved the dresser in the art room (thanks brett)
cleaned up all the dirty dishes and got the kitchen put back together
created one wrist warmer, maybe for gabi.
fixed a wonderful beef roast dinner! mmmm perfect!

too tired to do the ebay i was supposed to do. sure hope tomorrow feels just a little bit better

i need to remember to score my days if i am going to see any change in my cycles at all

is it still monday?

it really felt like a monday. i tried to get the day moving, but i think it maybe had other plans. i did get some stretches done. i like the dvd i have of staying fit in your 50's. the chair stretches were just perfect for today. my back was still hurting and i am determined to get this under control.



last night i had worked on a list of "plus" and "minus" symptoms to use with the crs &fm rating scale that i found on the website cfidsselfhelp.org. i really think this class is going to help alot.

i love the neil diamond cd i bought. he did a song i used to listen to, by gilbert o sullivan... alone again, naturally.
it seems to me that there are more hearts broken in the world that can't be mended, left unattended. what do we do. what do we do

listening to the young adults talk lately. why is it that marriage is no longer sacred. why is it so easy to cheat on your spouse and to always put yourself first. love is no longer important, but attention is the need. "i deserve this", and it may well be that you do. we all deserve the best. we also have obligations. and marriage should be sacred. divorce should not be the first option, the first bargaining tool.

and so that thought on my mind....
the ta da list doesn't look all bad:
exercise
breakfast (yay me)
moved the small dresser in my bedroom and got stuck
started the clean up from moving the dresser
unburied the blanket hutch and got out the dresser scarves that i want to use for window dressing in the kitchen
reburied said hutch
pretended to start sewing
upstairs email and a few other small project to delay the actual sewing
sorting some fabric and finally talked myself into settling down
finished Gabi's robe and got the ruffle on the dress, which actually was a huge job
cheater enchilada's for dinner and laundry tonight.
i really need to do some ebay!

another manic monday....

after a week end of too much walking and shopping, i am very tired today. tom, joe and i did the friday running.... post office, then lunch. best buy to buy ink, and a neil diamond cd. joann's to buy at least some of the fabric for the upcoming wedding that i need to be working on. over to the ups store to mail jeremy's very heavy box in time for his birthday and then target, which was of course the downfall of the whole day. i did get a few christmas package ties and a couple of christmas-y items, but for the most part, not at all what i needed.

a quiet dinner at pedro's and then a quiet evening at home. a nice nap on the couch while joe watched a movie, and the ta da list was as done as it was going to get

saturday also started rather slow. i really wanted to get some work done in the sewing room, but my frustration at having not ordered groceries yet led me to trade cleaning the house for a trip to copps... and at least enough groceries for a few days. i am so frustrated by the things that i forgot. canned cat food. cat litter. dish soap.

and then sunday.... i just wanted quiet and to start the day slow and easy. i seemed to have this restless energy that didn't want to settle down. i worked some in the art room and made a huge difference in the yarn bins, moving all of the yarn from the red barrel into drawers. that felt really good. i so wish i had not blocked the attic doorway, because i'd like to have gotten another bin of yarn out of the attic, and so instead joe and i headed to wal mart.

now that was a huge mistake. i lost count at about $30, and ended up spending over $80. i am so sad that the little bit of money i have is going so fast, but i am doing well at getting some christmas put away and that does feel good.

the goal list on the white board is not getting much shorter and needs to be re written for this week. i had very much wanted to make my sunday a "finish it" day, and get several smaller projects done, but the overwhelming need to do something active took over and i need to just deal with that happening.

so the ta da list for today includes

lunch with phillip

putting away 4 halloween bins and unpacking two christmas bins

two loads of laundry

cooking dinner and doing the dishes

fitting a mock up dress for the bridesmaid dresses

beginning to create a list of "check in" items to allow a scoring system of rating my days.

creating a goal list for the week and working on menu ideas

dreaming about buying a new house and moving. moving moving moving!