I've been listening to many meditations and reading much "self help", and there are of course several themes that are repeating over and over. One of them is to practice extreme self care. If you do not take care of yourself, you can not care for another person. You can't be a care taker, if you don't give care to yourself.
Self care might need to come before work right now. Is that what I sold my house to do? To take care of myself? I know that I had planned on taking the first month to rest and heal, but I was not able to take that time. And the more time that goes by, the more nervous I am about the amount of money that I have spent versus the amount coming in.
This is the thought that occupies every waking moment and most of the sleeping ones. Money is the first thought in the morning and occupies every conversation.
Suddenly I realize that this focus is the wrong one. I have attached too much outcome to every item that I sew, every pattern or book that I list for sale, every bit of decluttering, every moment of work. Deep inside me I know that this is not going to get me what I want or need. If I don't get money off my mind, I'll remain stuck in the mud and never be able to move forward.
I'm thinking this is a little bit like looking for love or wanting to have a baby. You have to turn your thoughts off and let things happen. The harder you try, the more you spin your wheels. The more you attach the outcome, the further away it moves.
Color code your papers for fun. Think ahead. Do complete work. Planning and paperwork are just as important as any sewing or beading. Schedule it. Don't beat yourself up for doing your paperwork instead of working on an order. Just because things need to be done doesn't mean you can ignore the other parts of business. How many hours a day, how many days a week, to what end? Do it all, but do it gracefully, with extreme self care.
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