done so many things wrong, i don't know i can do right
oh i, oh i've
done so many things wrong don't know that i can do right
at this point in my life
i've done so many things wrong, don't know i can do right
if you put your trust in me i hope i won't let you down
if you give me a chance i'll try
you see it's been a hard road the road i'm traveling on
and if i take your hand i might lead you down the path to ruin
i've had a hard life i'm just saying it so you'll understand
and that right now right now i'm doing the best that i can
at this point in my life
at this point in my life
although i've mostly walked in the shadows
i'm still searching for the light
won't you put your faith in me
we both know that it matters
if you give me a chance i'll try
you see i've been climbing the stairs but mostly stumbling down
i've been reaching high, always losing ground
you see i've conquered the hills, still have mountains to climb
and right now right now i'm doing the best that i can
at this point in my life
before we take a step
before we walk down that path
before i make any promises
before you have any regrets
before we talk commitment
let me tell you of my past
all i've seen and all i've done
and all i'd like to forget
at this point in my life
at this point in my life
i'd like to live as if only love mattered
as if redemption was in sight
as if the search to live honestly
is all that anyone needs
no matter if you find it
you see when i've touched the sky
the earth's gravity pulled me down
but now i've reconciled that in this world
birds and angels get the wings to fly
if you can believe in this heart of mine
if you can give it a try
then i'll reach inside and find and give you
all the sweetness that i have
at this point in my life
at this point in my life
Tracy Chapman
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Another week of work lost, another near collapse. Another "start over from the beginning" week ahead of me. This week end I'll rest and face the challenge of the new week sometime on Sunday.
And then, it will be setting those precious routines all over again. One at a time, until the whole page is in place, something that has not happened since before I went to my sister's house last.
So my morning routine is not so bad. I should be able to get through at least a part of that. Feed the cats. Check the laundry. Do some yoga. Eat breakfast. Shower. Get dressed.
If I can get thru the first hour every day next week, I'll be ready to add something from the afternoon routine. That one is all work, and I am so ready to get back to work. There is so much to do. That will be week two.
And maybe during week two, I can start adding my evening routine. I need to be able to get back to Etsy and Ebay and making money, or the whole idea of fighting to live will be for naught.
Face each day and get through the one in front of me. This one is almost over, one more than I made it through. This is a good day.
So petrified, I"m so scared to step into this ride
What if i lose my heart and fail declined
I won't fogive me if I give up trying
And then, it will be setting those precious routines all over again. One at a time, until the whole page is in place, something that has not happened since before I went to my sister's house last.
So my morning routine is not so bad. I should be able to get through at least a part of that. Feed the cats. Check the laundry. Do some yoga. Eat breakfast. Shower. Get dressed.
If I can get thru the first hour every day next week, I'll be ready to add something from the afternoon routine. That one is all work, and I am so ready to get back to work. There is so much to do. That will be week two.
And maybe during week two, I can start adding my evening routine. I need to be able to get back to Etsy and Ebay and making money, or the whole idea of fighting to live will be for naught.
Face each day and get through the one in front of me. This one is almost over, one more than I made it through. This is a good day.
So petrified, I"m so scared to step into this ride
What if i lose my heart and fail declined
I won't fogive me if I give up trying
Thursday, March 29, 2012
One more time
I accidently deleted the thoughtful post on cheating death, and that is perhaps because it was yet unfinished.
Most of the time I feel very lucky as I wake from an illness, realizing how close I have come to that line, the one that you can only cross once.
The truth is, you can cross it more than once. I've already been on the other side twice now. I feel honored that it was not my time, and that I was allowed to come back to this life, to finish what ever work it is that I have yet to do.
I often wonder what work it is that I am to finish. I know the first time that I had children to raise, but now my children have children and have little need of me. The illnesses leave me too tired to work, and little desire to improve my conditions. Still, there must be a reason that I was sent back, yet one more time, and it is not for me to question, but to stand up to the challenge and move forward.
Doing this gods work. One day at a time.
Most of the time I feel very lucky as I wake from an illness, realizing how close I have come to that line, the one that you can only cross once.
The truth is, you can cross it more than once. I've already been on the other side twice now. I feel honored that it was not my time, and that I was allowed to come back to this life, to finish what ever work it is that I have yet to do.
I often wonder what work it is that I am to finish. I know the first time that I had children to raise, but now my children have children and have little need of me. The illnesses leave me too tired to work, and little desire to improve my conditions. Still, there must be a reason that I was sent back, yet one more time, and it is not for me to question, but to stand up to the challenge and move forward.
Doing this gods work. One day at a time.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
It should only be another week....
..... before the sitting room is rearranged for summer. I am liking how it is turning out but I decided late tonight that I don't like where I put the big dresser, so I am hoping that tomorrow I can slide it across the room and that I can get this room finished and start on the blue room and whatever I can do with the sewing room. This will be the last week of the second floor work, selling what I can and moving on to the rest of the house, returning once more to the first floor and the basement.
Ah yes the dreaded basment. It just has to be done and the soon the better. I keep putting it off because of the sheer mass of "junk" and who knows what I am going to want or need when I move
Of course that does become the question of IF move pretty quickly as I look at prices of house in the area, as well as prices of apartments.
I know that I can get used to any place that I need to live, but I do have some "rathers"... and they just don't seem to be possible right now
My yard has chosen this year to be at it's best so far, all the differnt bulbs are popping through the ground and doing a great job of showing their glory. My crocus and daffidils are doing great, both in the front and in the bricks. The hyacith is looking like it will open soon and the tulips are getting stronger every day. Even my poor scrawny climatis is trying to bud and bloom. It is so exciting to watch mother earth embrace the spring and welcome us back out doors. Even the last of the China Rose has some wonderful buds on it and looks like it may want to open this year.
With the neighborhood garage sale coming up, and craiglist doing great, maybe i'll have enough money for paint for the inside at least, and I can get the house looking spiffy.
Going to the concert, while was a great gift and an amazing evening, made me realize how fragile I am getting and how scary it is to be out in crowds. I spent most of Friday in bed to make up for my huge night out, and of course over did today to make up for the guilt.
With the renewed promise of routines, full routines being in the future, I know that I will have to cut down on some social obligations to fill my routines and get back to where I want to be. This dedication and motivation seems to be something I have lost, most days wondering if there is any use at all
My facebook friend said it best when she said "fibro is such a can of worms". With bad news from the eye doctor and more symptoms rearing their ugly heads, I'm going to have to be making some health decisions soon. I don't feel a lot of need to socialize anymore, knowing how taxing it can be.
Ah yes the dreaded basment. It just has to be done and the soon the better. I keep putting it off because of the sheer mass of "junk" and who knows what I am going to want or need when I move
Of course that does become the question of IF move pretty quickly as I look at prices of house in the area, as well as prices of apartments.
I know that I can get used to any place that I need to live, but I do have some "rathers"... and they just don't seem to be possible right now
My yard has chosen this year to be at it's best so far, all the differnt bulbs are popping through the ground and doing a great job of showing their glory. My crocus and daffidils are doing great, both in the front and in the bricks. The hyacith is looking like it will open soon and the tulips are getting stronger every day. Even my poor scrawny climatis is trying to bud and bloom. It is so exciting to watch mother earth embrace the spring and welcome us back out doors. Even the last of the China Rose has some wonderful buds on it and looks like it may want to open this year.
With the neighborhood garage sale coming up, and craiglist doing great, maybe i'll have enough money for paint for the inside at least, and I can get the house looking spiffy.
Going to the concert, while was a great gift and an amazing evening, made me realize how fragile I am getting and how scary it is to be out in crowds. I spent most of Friday in bed to make up for my huge night out, and of course over did today to make up for the guilt.
With the renewed promise of routines, full routines being in the future, I know that I will have to cut down on some social obligations to fill my routines and get back to where I want to be. This dedication and motivation seems to be something I have lost, most days wondering if there is any use at all
My facebook friend said it best when she said "fibro is such a can of worms". With bad news from the eye doctor and more symptoms rearing their ugly heads, I'm going to have to be making some health decisions soon. I don't feel a lot of need to socialize anymore, knowing how taxing it can be.
Breathe
Two AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper it's not longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
and I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And i know you'll use them however you want to
If I get it all down on paper it's not longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
and I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And i know you'll use them however you want to
Monday, March 19, 2012
Moving along on a Monday
It was another "medium" day here. Although I knew my lungs had not healed, I feel like I am losing so much time being sick, so I went ahead with the re arranging and decluttering that I've been trying to do. I've done most of the small peices in the sitting room, and so today was to tackle two of the big peices. And tackle I did. The two tall book cases have been moved from one side of the room to the other. I had planned on doing one now and one after work, but because I had managed to trap my self, I just went right through the project and got both of them moved, books back in order (for the first time since the shelves came into this room) and re decorated. I guess it will take a little getting used to, but have the love seat in the front window feels so good.
It'll be a few days before I can finish the room because my lungs really took a beating from this one, and I've no energy to finish the job right now. Maybe later this week. Maybe next week.
The rest of the day was spent napping and working on Ruby's dress. I took a few pictures of old needlework kits to put on Etsy (sad face) and did some other minor cleaning. The blue room will be next, there is much work to do in there, and pictures of the items for sale on craigslist. Moving right along for a Monday, I must say, even tho I feel just awful, getting the work done has been good for me.
Emotional rollar coaster, however, can stop any time now. Of that I am quite sure.
With mercury retrograde, my friend reminded me that this is the time to "reclaim", "Re-do" and "Remind"... and so I am re -doing how I approach my work week, reclaiming much lost space and reminding myself that "this too shall pass".
Happy Spring tomorrow. The day of balance.
Maybe that is why I've felt so off today, the day before the balance, when it is almost but not quite there. Like two cogged wheels, waiting to click into perfect alignment. I used to feel the balance even before it happened, but this year, I am waiting for that moment to arrive.
It'll be a few days before I can finish the room because my lungs really took a beating from this one, and I've no energy to finish the job right now. Maybe later this week. Maybe next week.
The rest of the day was spent napping and working on Ruby's dress. I took a few pictures of old needlework kits to put on Etsy (sad face) and did some other minor cleaning. The blue room will be next, there is much work to do in there, and pictures of the items for sale on craigslist. Moving right along for a Monday, I must say, even tho I feel just awful, getting the work done has been good for me.
Emotional rollar coaster, however, can stop any time now. Of that I am quite sure.
With mercury retrograde, my friend reminded me that this is the time to "reclaim", "Re-do" and "Remind"... and so I am re -doing how I approach my work week, reclaiming much lost space and reminding myself that "this too shall pass".
Happy Spring tomorrow. The day of balance.
Maybe that is why I've felt so off today, the day before the balance, when it is almost but not quite there. Like two cogged wheels, waiting to click into perfect alignment. I used to feel the balance even before it happened, but this year, I am waiting for that moment to arrive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)