Long Week end

It has been a long week end in more ways than one.  I missed the Memorial Day Celebrations this morning because I was just too weak to go out.  It was hard to miss, with my sister speaking, but it was the best decision I could make for myself.

I was able to get some work done today.  I slept late and woke groggy.  I wanted to get moving but it was just impossible.  I spent some time just moving around, until I could work up the energy to take my shower and try to come alive.

I was able to pot the flowers and herbs that I bought last week.  I still don't know where to put one of them and there were so many that I wanted to buy, but didn't.  This isn't my yard and there is little I can do to make it my own.  All I am doing is taking care of someone else's plan.

And that is a lot of what this feels like... I'm just the care taker.  Nothing more.  This house will never feel like home.  It will always be just someplace that I can stay.

My eyes are getting worse, there are fewer good days.  Actually, right now I feel like there are only part of days that my eyes work well.  My allergies are doing a lot of damage and the out of control fibro is taking a toll on the ability to focus.  This has made most any of my work difficult.

I did get my Monday cleaning started.  I ripped some more on the quilt that I have to take apart and I worked on another quilt, marking the squares to get them ready for stitching into triangles.  I was able to knit last night, but tonight it was just not going to work.

And so I sit here playing computer games and staring at the tv.  I feel like there is little else to do.

I was reading an article today on often missed diseases.  The article claimed that fibro is easily managed following a certain protocol.  I am going to try to look it up and get the information, the article claimed 97% recovery.  That would be amazing.

I need to set some new goals for this week.  A few minutes of cleaning every day.  I think I need to turn the basement around, with the addition of a computer for my downstairs office, I think I need to more the office and storage area around.  That is going to take a lot of, but if I am careful to only work a little bit at a time maybe I won't push myself into crisis again.

I need to work my yoga into my routine again.  I know that is part of the equation and I know it has been missing for a long time now.  I really want to get walking again.  I am sure it would be good for me to be out in the sunshine once in a while.

I need to focus on my work.  I should be able to put in at least 5 hours a day, but I need to work up to 8 or more.  Now that the patterns and books have been organized, I need to get back to selling; listing as much as I can as quickly as I can and putting some real effort into the Etsy site building into a business. 

I need to develop some patterns of my own, so that I can sell the products without worry about copyright issues.  I want to go back to my idea of costuming, concentrating on fairy and steampunk.  I think both will be well received if I can get enough stock and get some models for some really good pictures.

I need to take care of my body and soul.  Walking will be good, meditation is important, and like my yoga, has fallen to the unpacking and organization.  Reading is something that I've claimed to be too tired to do, and given my sight it may be something that is true, but I really just feel like I am making excuses to do nothing.  I am really comfortable with the idea of doing nothing and I think that is the biggest thing that needs to change. 

I need to go back to making my lists and crossing things off when I get things done.  I need to make more effort to make something of my life. 

Tomorrow's list:  Yoga
                             Living room
                             Start work early-finish ripping quilt-one hour
                             work on table runners
                             CSA
                              Back to work up to total of four hours
                             Switch projects for last hour
                              (this is going to mean working later to make up for the time to go out to the farm)
                              add to the list
                               journal
                               meditation
                              basement
                              read
                           
Keep track of time, nutrition and exercise.  Look up supplements that might help.  Move forward with grace.

FOCUS                      BALANCE                       ENGAGE              COMPLETE           FLOW