....is just hard work. I have so many things that I would like to be doing, but there is little I can do but sit and knit or work on my classes. It seems that because my oxygen level was so low, I am going to have some trouble thinking for quite a while, and so while I am catching up on the classes I missed while I was at my sister's house, the work is harder than it had been and sometimes I am reading a sentence several times before it makes any sense at all. I got two classes finished last night, current to this point, but on the third one I had to stop with only a few more questions to answer.
Writing is getting easier and so I know that I am doing better. I am able to think some things through and make some plans.
As I was falling asleep last night, I realized that for the first time in many years I don't Hate my life. Now, that is not to say that this is the life that I would have picked for myself, but all the same, it has settled down into a routine that is comfortable. I have plans for the future and things are going alone rather nicely.
I'd like to get back to some chores today. It is time to get some of the Christmas out and start some rearranging to make the best use of my space, such as it is. I am wondering right now how much I can do without pushing myself, and how much will have to wait for another day.
All of the people of your life have been called to you for a reason. What that reason is, is sometimes not clear until much time has passed. I have decided how it is that I will be treated, and how I will treat others. Making those changes has been heartbreaking and the changes are forever ongoing, but this is the step that my heart tells me I must take. Perhaps in the future I can take a different step and have the things in my life that I thought I wanted to begin with.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Almost Alive
Today is the first day in several weeks that I have actually felt like doing something when I got out of bed. It is so exciting, because the list of things that need to be done is of course ever growing and I am so ready to get started on it>
A shopping trip this morning should take care of the energy for the rest of the day, but I have my knitting and my classes to keep me seated and comfortable. At least I will not be bored, if restless. That's okay. From where I was, this is such an improvement.
I've finished my antibiotics and today is the first day I didn't have to rush to the neb machine for a breathing treatment before I could go feed my cats. It is such an amazing change that I have to hold myself back from being too excited.
Becca and I are going to start some of the shopping. If I can do just one family a week, I'll be fine. It will be a small Christmas from me, but that is what it is. This year is the last year that it will be this bad and I can feel corners being turned every where.
More planning. More finishing. More ideas. Just more. Period
Donald Welch died yesterday. My children and that family are deeply inpacted by a long awaited, and yet painful death. Grief is difficult. Works do not come easily. My heart goes out to each and every one of them, in different ways. One of my favorite mentors has lost her husband. They had a very long life together and I am sure she is feeling lost and over whelmed as she must face the rest of her life without him.
I'd like to get myself a car, in part so that I can be of some help to her if she should like that to happen. I know that driving has become increasingly difficult for her, and it is time for some one who has the time to attend to her needs, after these many many years of attending to her husband and her family.
Setting my "get well" schedule is going to be just a slight step up from my "sick" schedule, allowing just a bit of sewing time. Maybe two sets of an hour each. I am looking forward to things returning to something close to normal, and by the first of the year, I plan again to start game nights and social gatherings.
I am so thrilled to simply be alive!
A shopping trip this morning should take care of the energy for the rest of the day, but I have my knitting and my classes to keep me seated and comfortable. At least I will not be bored, if restless. That's okay. From where I was, this is such an improvement.
I've finished my antibiotics and today is the first day I didn't have to rush to the neb machine for a breathing treatment before I could go feed my cats. It is such an amazing change that I have to hold myself back from being too excited.
Becca and I are going to start some of the shopping. If I can do just one family a week, I'll be fine. It will be a small Christmas from me, but that is what it is. This year is the last year that it will be this bad and I can feel corners being turned every where.
More planning. More finishing. More ideas. Just more. Period
Donald Welch died yesterday. My children and that family are deeply inpacted by a long awaited, and yet painful death. Grief is difficult. Works do not come easily. My heart goes out to each and every one of them, in different ways. One of my favorite mentors has lost her husband. They had a very long life together and I am sure she is feeling lost and over whelmed as she must face the rest of her life without him.
I'd like to get myself a car, in part so that I can be of some help to her if she should like that to happen. I know that driving has become increasingly difficult for her, and it is time for some one who has the time to attend to her needs, after these many many years of attending to her husband and her family.
Setting my "get well" schedule is going to be just a slight step up from my "sick" schedule, allowing just a bit of sewing time. Maybe two sets of an hour each. I am looking forward to things returning to something close to normal, and by the first of the year, I plan again to start game nights and social gatherings.
I am so thrilled to simply be alive!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Another ending
It has been a sad day at my house today. My ex-father-in-law was taking to Hospice late last night and is not expected to make it through the pain much longer. This is good for him, but of course not good for those left behind to fill the void and learn how to move on without him.
Brett has joined his family at Hospice, and is doing what he can to aid and comfort.
Becca is trying to keep busy, keeping the thoughts from her head. Megan, far away, is keeping in touch as she can from Japan.
I'm having a rather rough day with the stress of the season upon me, wishing that I was either further along or well enough to do more sewing. I need to be able to get many more things done, there are several people on my list that I've not even begun to buy for.
It takes rather an act of congress to get into the gift closet and sort the things that are in there. Everything was left out for me to put away so that i could settle and watch tv tonight, and that was just way too much work to do. I feel exhausted, angry and resentful. I need to get things moving in the right direction, not just saying the words, but acutallly meaning what I say and getting things done. I've already realized that I am missing a few item that I've bought and I'm hoping that they were put in the attic during the grand clean up when Sue and Bob were here.
My lungs are doing better, but this has been replaced with an ache in my back and a sharp pain in my chest. It makes doing anything at all uncomfortable and honestly, I'm ready to call it a night and wake up sometime in January.
This morning was spent doing some lists to get some of my Christmas in order, and tonight I hope to finish that and move on to actually getting something done and marked off the list.
I guess it's hard to feel like doing anything at all when the world is on hold around you
Brett has joined his family at Hospice, and is doing what he can to aid and comfort.
Becca is trying to keep busy, keeping the thoughts from her head. Megan, far away, is keeping in touch as she can from Japan.
I'm having a rather rough day with the stress of the season upon me, wishing that I was either further along or well enough to do more sewing. I need to be able to get many more things done, there are several people on my list that I've not even begun to buy for.
It takes rather an act of congress to get into the gift closet and sort the things that are in there. Everything was left out for me to put away so that i could settle and watch tv tonight, and that was just way too much work to do. I feel exhausted, angry and resentful. I need to get things moving in the right direction, not just saying the words, but acutallly meaning what I say and getting things done. I've already realized that I am missing a few item that I've bought and I'm hoping that they were put in the attic during the grand clean up when Sue and Bob were here.
My lungs are doing better, but this has been replaced with an ache in my back and a sharp pain in my chest. It makes doing anything at all uncomfortable and honestly, I'm ready to call it a night and wake up sometime in January.
This morning was spent doing some lists to get some of my Christmas in order, and tonight I hope to finish that and move on to actually getting something done and marked off the list.
I guess it's hard to feel like doing anything at all when the world is on hold around you
Friday, December 2, 2011
Back To Healing
The cold didn't get worse, but it certainly did affect my lungs. I ended up in the hospital at 3 in the morning, not a good night at all. By the time Becca got me there, I couldn't get a breath at all, let alone be able to talk about what was going on.
I was soon surrounded by doctors and nurses, resperitory therapy was in, EKG, heart monitor, blood draws, medication via IV, more breathing treatments, and by then it was clear that they were keeping me at least for a while.
I was moved to ICU at 5 in the morning, with more breathing treatments and more medication. Because i was the only "alert" patient on the floor, my nurse loved me and I was comfortable sending Becca home to get some rest and pick up a few things for me
By 4:00 that afternoon I was released to a regular floor where I spent the rest of the day and night, breathing getting easier all the time. It was a very scary time and I certainly recgonize that it is not over yet, but the end to this one is in sight and I think I am getting stronger.
I didn't feel that was yesterday, but after going 12 hours without a breathing treatment over night, I feel hopeful today that this won't last much longer
I came home with some many instructions and new meds, that I wrote everything on my bathroom mirror with a glass crayon. It is working really well to remind me what I have taken and what I have skipped.
I feel a little stronger today, but no more "awake" than I have been. The antibiotics must be clearing the broncitis, but everything else is achy and oh the pain when I cough.
Plan for the day: turn on my podcasts that I don't get to listen to very often and finish Liam's sweater. That will be good for me, I'm sure. I'm getting anxious to move on and start some new things, but right now I must stick to the plan for finishing and getting things done that have real due dates.
Every time I get sick, and most especially when I get this sick, I wonder if I will ever be close to 100% again and I feel like I should have followed thru and filed for y SSI. I know it is not too late to do this, but I really need to put some thought into what I want and need to be doing. This life, the way I am running it, is not working very well. There need to be some changes made, and of course, the sooner the better
Now that I am having to take so much time off to be sick, my Christmas sewing is going to have to be pushed even further to the back burner, and perhaps not be done at all this year. That would be sad, but a good inventory of the gift closest will help make that decision, and then by the time I have some money, I'll be able to make that decision for sure. There are a few small things that I should be able to make and if I work at knitting instead of sewing, perhaps all will be fine
HO HO HO
I was soon surrounded by doctors and nurses, resperitory therapy was in, EKG, heart monitor, blood draws, medication via IV, more breathing treatments, and by then it was clear that they were keeping me at least for a while.
I was moved to ICU at 5 in the morning, with more breathing treatments and more medication. Because i was the only "alert" patient on the floor, my nurse loved me and I was comfortable sending Becca home to get some rest and pick up a few things for me
By 4:00 that afternoon I was released to a regular floor where I spent the rest of the day and night, breathing getting easier all the time. It was a very scary time and I certainly recgonize that it is not over yet, but the end to this one is in sight and I think I am getting stronger.
I didn't feel that was yesterday, but after going 12 hours without a breathing treatment over night, I feel hopeful today that this won't last much longer
I came home with some many instructions and new meds, that I wrote everything on my bathroom mirror with a glass crayon. It is working really well to remind me what I have taken and what I have skipped.
I feel a little stronger today, but no more "awake" than I have been. The antibiotics must be clearing the broncitis, but everything else is achy and oh the pain when I cough.
Plan for the day: turn on my podcasts that I don't get to listen to very often and finish Liam's sweater. That will be good for me, I'm sure. I'm getting anxious to move on and start some new things, but right now I must stick to the plan for finishing and getting things done that have real due dates.
Every time I get sick, and most especially when I get this sick, I wonder if I will ever be close to 100% again and I feel like I should have followed thru and filed for y SSI. I know it is not too late to do this, but I really need to put some thought into what I want and need to be doing. This life, the way I am running it, is not working very well. There need to be some changes made, and of course, the sooner the better
Now that I am having to take so much time off to be sick, my Christmas sewing is going to have to be pushed even further to the back burner, and perhaps not be done at all this year. That would be sad, but a good inventory of the gift closest will help make that decision, and then by the time I have some money, I'll be able to make that decision for sure. There are a few small things that I should be able to make and if I work at knitting instead of sewing, perhaps all will be fine
HO HO HO
Monday, November 28, 2011
Guess Where This Cold Is From
I don’t know why, when I felt the cold coming on, that I thought I would be able to function during it. Every time I catch a cold, it goes straight into my lungs and messes with my breathing. Today Ariel had to bring me tea and soup, wash my quilt, and go to the drugstore with me. I really would have been a mess without his help
In spite of the fact that I was not able to leave the second floor easily, I did get a few things done. I got out my winter sheets for both bedroom and got my bed changed. I did a little more of the unpacking and made a list of things that just must be done this week. I rearranged my classes, adding one new one and taking out the two that I had finished. I’d like to step it up and get the easier classes done much more quickly, giving me more time to attend to the harder classes. I wonder if I can manage a full three hours of study time every single day. Is this asking too much of me?
It does feel good to be home. I certainly wish I has not started my first week back with the cold from hell, but it will be over soon enough, I’m sure, and I’ll be on to work and getting things done.
On my sister’s fridge, there is a saying that has stuck in my mind. We need to be able to put blame in the right places, and this one helps me.
the worst part of being lied to
is knowing that you weren’t worth the truth
Moving Right Along
Two and a half weeks at my sister’s house, half a week with my sister here, and her friend Bob fixing several things around my house. New dry wall in the bathroom finally, the squirrel hole covered up, the signs off the doors finally.
I, of course, had to catch a cold, the worst cold, just as the vacation time was ending. I need to get back to work and I feel just miserable.
I had been keeping a bit of a health diary, and I need to get back to that. Keeping track of migraines, stomach upsets and low energy days, as well as keeping track of what I eat, how I sleep and how much exercise I get.
I found a book on brain training and I’m anxious to work on that. Some of my classes are finishing and so I’ll be able to add some new ones without messing up my schedule. It will be good for me to get back to work and do some major catching up.
Christmas is just around the corner. I need to count what I have put away and get more things bought, ordered, mailed, etc.
I am getting back to list making and trying to find the right combination of work and rest that will allow me to get everything done.
I think high on the list needs to be repainting the now finished bathroom. YAY!!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Almost fall
The summer seemed to go by so fast, with all the sewing and all the heat. It seems like I have only enough energy to do the things that have to be done, and not at all the things that I'd like to get done.
And so with more furniture moving, more de-cluttering and more organizing, both the sewing room and bedroom have new settings, and I now have an upstairs sitting room for myself. It has been really nice to get away from the chaos of raising little ones, and just concentrate on my "world"..... sewing and trying to get healthy again.
I've been sick ever since the week end we decided to move the rooms around. First it was just a "fibro crisis".... that horrible lack of energy, and then pnemonia moved in and just doesn't seem to want to leave.
This is the first week that I am feeling better. Today was a good day again, and I'm so excited to see some actual progress on some projects that had been put on the back burner.
Megan is in Japan now, sending pictures when she can. The beginning of a long three years. I'm so excited for her. Life is good. I've got a great family
And so with more furniture moving, more de-cluttering and more organizing, both the sewing room and bedroom have new settings, and I now have an upstairs sitting room for myself. It has been really nice to get away from the chaos of raising little ones, and just concentrate on my "world"..... sewing and trying to get healthy again.
I've been sick ever since the week end we decided to move the rooms around. First it was just a "fibro crisis".... that horrible lack of energy, and then pnemonia moved in and just doesn't seem to want to leave.
This is the first week that I am feeling better. Today was a good day again, and I'm so excited to see some actual progress on some projects that had been put on the back burner.
Megan is in Japan now, sending pictures when she can. The beginning of a long three years. I'm so excited for her. Life is good. I've got a great family
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