Productive days!

Getting back into my sewing cycle has helped my mood quite a bit. I had a couple of productive days and that has helped so much. I have this huge stack of "almost" finished things for the kids. Almost everyone has at least something cut out and so there is only a little bit of planning left to do.

Feeling tired and pushing at the same time, sometimes it doesn't work as well as I would like. My hands hurt and it is too cold to get outside for my walks.

A couple more Christmas decorations put up, the house is looking somewhere between festive and cluttered. I'm not sure how to make room for the rest of the bins to be unpacked, but we'll see.

And thinking about how to re arrange my schedule next year so that I don't run into the same problems again. I keep saying that I need to start in January, and maybe just once I will. with the adults. Now wouldn't that be a nice change!

catching up is hard to do

I'm not sure why it is that the only thing that makes me feel whole is my work, and yet I will do anything to delay getting to work. I've done quite a bit of decluttering and cleaning again this week, but my list of sewing projects is still huge and not going away at all.

removing one social contact and rearranging another has left me feeling sad and not really wanting to do much at all. the changes that life throws at us are often not as in our control as we'd like them to be

but then again, our reactions to them are totally in our control. i keep saying that i need to take better control of my life, and while i have made some great strides in that direction, i think more that i need to decide where it is that i want to be and, as a matter of fact, who i want to be.

a friend of mine on facebook posted a link to this "be happy" slide show, which ended with me subscribing to yet another self help email. the difference is, this one asks me right from the beginning "how engaged are you".

i guess that is a good question. how engaged am i? for the most part, i still feel like i am watching the parade go by, instead of marching in the parade. i need to learn to march. or at least ride a float!

goals goals and more goals!

i looked at my "to do" calendar today, and discovered that the end of september was the last time i got all of my to do's turned into ta da's. that is a long time to be behind.

now of course the question is, how do i catch up.

first, i am delaying the projects that i have no hope of finishing before christmas, no matter how hard i try.
and then delaying the projects that are not "due" before christmas

that leaves me with 26 projects. due this week or before.
so with a goal of 4 per day, the list would shrink dramatically before my next check in next monday.

and how many did i get done today? well, lucky for me, the day is not over.
except for button holes, two are done. three more are almost done.

i think sewing instead of writing and watching tv would be Such a good idea

off and running!

sometimes night is not what you'd think

another sleepless night has left me with no energy today. i really didn't feel like doing anything, so i just gently moved from task to task.
3:30 found me changing the ink in the printer, and with that job done, it was much easier to make myself do a lot of the printing that i have been putting off. forms that i needed done, patterns and information on the cfids selfhelp class i am doing

how is it that i deal with the things that i can't get done. they suggest delegating, but i have no one to delegate to. living alone does have it's challenges!

stress seems to be eating away my energy at a faster rate than usual. i'm having some trouble even thinking today.

Just sometimes

it is really hard to even remember to write anything in my blog. i really want to, and i think of really good things to write, but them something happens and i can't at all remember that i even wanted to write any at all, let alone what it is i wanted to write

beginning to get some of the christmas decorations out. i guess it will be fun to have some new things to look at, but the main reason i want to get the christmas out is to go thru it and figure out what i can eliminate and not have so many bins to put away next year. i want less. much less

it seems that i'd be happy with just that. less. i'd love to spend my days decluttering and moving things from here to there to accomplish just that... less. i'd rather clean and go thru this junk than work. of course the problem is that i really need to work!

the last thanksgiving i hosted was the thanksgiving after my mom died, and this years celebration was hollow at best. nothing wrong with the day. sara and andy prepared a wonderful dinner. just the feeling of not being able to get together with the kids makes things feel so different.

the ta da list for today is not as good as yesterdays, but not too shabby for a "day off"
three of the four mock ups ready to be mailed
cleaned the sewing area
moved the dresser in the art room (thanks brett)
cleaned up all the dirty dishes and got the kitchen put back together
created one wrist warmer, maybe for gabi.
fixed a wonderful beef roast dinner! mmmm perfect!

too tired to do the ebay i was supposed to do. sure hope tomorrow feels just a little bit better

i need to remember to score my days if i am going to see any change in my cycles at all

is it still monday?

it really felt like a monday. i tried to get the day moving, but i think it maybe had other plans. i did get some stretches done. i like the dvd i have of staying fit in your 50's. the chair stretches were just perfect for today. my back was still hurting and i am determined to get this under control.



last night i had worked on a list of "plus" and "minus" symptoms to use with the crs &fm rating scale that i found on the website cfidsselfhelp.org. i really think this class is going to help alot.

i love the neil diamond cd i bought. he did a song i used to listen to, by gilbert o sullivan... alone again, naturally.
it seems to me that there are more hearts broken in the world that can't be mended, left unattended. what do we do. what do we do

listening to the young adults talk lately. why is it that marriage is no longer sacred. why is it so easy to cheat on your spouse and to always put yourself first. love is no longer important, but attention is the need. "i deserve this", and it may well be that you do. we all deserve the best. we also have obligations. and marriage should be sacred. divorce should not be the first option, the first bargaining tool.

and so that thought on my mind....
the ta da list doesn't look all bad:
exercise
breakfast (yay me)
moved the small dresser in my bedroom and got stuck
started the clean up from moving the dresser
unburied the blanket hutch and got out the dresser scarves that i want to use for window dressing in the kitchen
reburied said hutch
pretended to start sewing
upstairs email and a few other small project to delay the actual sewing
sorting some fabric and finally talked myself into settling down
finished Gabi's robe and got the ruffle on the dress, which actually was a huge job
cheater enchilada's for dinner and laundry tonight.
i really need to do some ebay!

another manic monday....

after a week end of too much walking and shopping, i am very tired today. tom, joe and i did the friday running.... post office, then lunch. best buy to buy ink, and a neil diamond cd. joann's to buy at least some of the fabric for the upcoming wedding that i need to be working on. over to the ups store to mail jeremy's very heavy box in time for his birthday and then target, which was of course the downfall of the whole day. i did get a few christmas package ties and a couple of christmas-y items, but for the most part, not at all what i needed.

a quiet dinner at pedro's and then a quiet evening at home. a nice nap on the couch while joe watched a movie, and the ta da list was as done as it was going to get

saturday also started rather slow. i really wanted to get some work done in the sewing room, but my frustration at having not ordered groceries yet led me to trade cleaning the house for a trip to copps... and at least enough groceries for a few days. i am so frustrated by the things that i forgot. canned cat food. cat litter. dish soap.

and then sunday.... i just wanted quiet and to start the day slow and easy. i seemed to have this restless energy that didn't want to settle down. i worked some in the art room and made a huge difference in the yarn bins, moving all of the yarn from the red barrel into drawers. that felt really good. i so wish i had not blocked the attic doorway, because i'd like to have gotten another bin of yarn out of the attic, and so instead joe and i headed to wal mart.

now that was a huge mistake. i lost count at about $30, and ended up spending over $80. i am so sad that the little bit of money i have is going so fast, but i am doing well at getting some christmas put away and that does feel good.

the goal list on the white board is not getting much shorter and needs to be re written for this week. i had very much wanted to make my sunday a "finish it" day, and get several smaller projects done, but the overwhelming need to do something active took over and i need to just deal with that happening.

so the ta da list for today includes

lunch with phillip

putting away 4 halloween bins and unpacking two christmas bins

two loads of laundry

cooking dinner and doing the dishes

fitting a mock up dress for the bridesmaid dresses

beginning to create a list of "check in" items to allow a scoring system of rating my days.

creating a goal list for the week and working on menu ideas

dreaming about buying a new house and moving. moving moving moving!

a day of ups and downs

my morning started slow and i was so stiff this morning that getting down the stairs was difficult, fed the cats and made a cup of coffee, and back to bed. i am really tired of this cycle. i was really hoping that i had crossed the hump, so to speak, and could get moving again toward "normal" days.
but then becca needed me to watch antonio while she took ruby to the doctor. antonio is pretty easy in small doses, so i got myself dressed and decided i'd do at least a couple loads of laundry this morning
then i remembered that i had signed up for a webinar on fibromyalgia. i managed to sign in 45 minutes late because i messed up the time zone, but the information that i did get was so exciting for me. i have two new websites to read thru, and one of the web sites is offering classes. i am thrilled. i would have jumped up and down if i'd had the energy. classes and work sheets and perhaps a way to manage this mess of a life.

tonight i am tired and feeling rather lonely.
the ta da list is short today, but it is a list nonetheless
5 loads of laundry!
grocery list is halfway done
two new patterns on the list of wannado
dishes are done
frig is finished

too tired to do much else today, but you know, even that nasty basement is beginning to get turned around and is one less degree of horrible right now

yay me!

one day at a time

I think today was a better day. I am still at a really low energy point, but i did get to sew for more than two hours today. Gabi's dress is together and hanging. Tomorrow, the zipper and hem, I'll be able to mark that one off the list. Her robe is cut and also together, which happened really fast. As soon as Jeremy gets back to me on a finished length... I'll be hemming that and marking it off the list.

So either tonight or tomorrow, I'll cut some things for Liam's Christmas, and maybe a gift for Deanna and Jeremy. We'll see about that one

The ta-da list is actually shorter today. Ebay paper work. Ebay relisting. Joyce picked up the zipper repair. Visited with Becca for a short while. One load of laundry (so far) and a bit of cleaning out the fridge. Unpacked two Avon boxes and sorted that. Most of it was mine so that was not at all difficult!

My shoulders and neck ache. The late afternoon slowdown really hit hard. I'd like nothing better than to go nap. Instead I am hoping to list the Ebay that i didn't do last night, and maybe look for some patterns that would be quick to use for some of the crochet cotton hanging around in my house.

I need to make better notes about where I find things. The pattern I had lost and the found is again in the lost column. I'm sure I'll figure out where it was available.... after all, I did find the pattern for the placemats I had thought were on one site... on another site. Lion brand has the placemats and rug that I'd like to make, as well as a great shawl collar sweater that I'd like to try to make this winter. I Really need to get moving on Antonio's sweater, it's almost time to start the next one. Not to mention Susie's quilt, and Liam's second quilt. Never enough hours in the day.

....and finally moving forward

today was a much better day. even tho it started really slow...... after a sleepless night, i guess starting is always slow. becca stopped by to talk for a while and she more or less wondered why i was up at all. dishes to be done, halloween bins have been in the way long enough.

i am so proud of my self, i really did get quite a bit done. dishes are totally caught up and the bins are beginning to be unpacked and re packed with the halloween that is scattered around the house. by the end of the day, two bins are totally packed.

it seems logical that if i keep working on the decluttering little by little, i'll be finished with it sooner or later.

i did actually make it, not only to the sewing room, but sewing as well! the bodice to Gabi's dress is done, the first of the christmas sewing. it looks great, and while i was tucking little flowers here and there, i got some great inspiration for how to do the skirt. tonight or tomorrow.

tonight is another ebay night, my energy is still very low so this might be a good idea. aching muscles if i climb the stairs and throbbing in my ears if i bend over.
this too shall pass, or so they say

Homer, the Home Savings Lion

a sad day at my house. someone stole something dear to me. not worth much, granted, but something that could not be replaced...
when my daddy did neon for c a grant and sons, he made a sign for a savings and loan here in town, that had a great mascot... Homer, the home savings Lion
and then when my daddy and dan both worked for Scott sign company, they retired the lion and dan talked the boss into giving it to me
i've had it ever since. he has been to Arizona and back with me. he kept me company in my yard in Arizona and has graced my driveway by leaning, altho broken, against my fence here in Madison.
and there he has sat for years, until today
at least they were graceful enough to leave me the face. i can not see the worth of the body, but Homer and the neon are gone.

up until that point, it had been a better day. i am coming out of a five day "fibro crisis". on wednesday, i was too tired and sick to get out of bed. thursday was not much better, and altho i got some work done on friday, saturday was even worse. exhausted and overwhelmed by all the work needing to be done. talking to my sister cheered me up a bit, but it was just not a good day at all. sara came over sunday to do a bit of the house work for me, but i was again too tired and sore to work. this loss of time really plays with my mind
but i had resolved to start the week, at least by monday, able to do "something". anything!
and i did get some work done. cut the "pretty" fabric for Gabi's dress, after finally deciding how to do it. cut a few more triangle blocks for the robbing peter quilt, and finally made it to the post office, mailing 9 movies out of my house and into someone else's

that was when we noticed the lion is missing. andy moved the peice of the face to the back yard, but i have no idea who would have taken the body and neon. i did notice that the other day someone had been messing with the sign, it had been moved a bit. i wish i'd had the foresight to move the sign to a safer place.

so tonight is a fitting that Must work, and then listing ebay. House is on, and Lie to me. i am even hoping that i can get some sewing done late tonight. that would be nice!

I finally did it!

I had lost my password months ago, when I had to delete an email account that had been compromised, but i finally got the password changed and I'm back.
Now, of course, I have to decide where I'd like this blog to go. To what end...

For that matter, to what beginning.

With that thought in mind, I will, indeed, be back

Monday Monday

After spending most of my Sunday going back to bed to read, napping, and then reading some more, it feels good to be more productive as we find ourselves on Monday.

I only have 12 projects that I "need" to get done before the end of the month. Two of them are almost done and maybe with this energy, I'll be able to get several of the others finished. Two baby quilts are ready to be quilted and one more is about half done. Applique takes me so much longer, but i need to stop putting it aside and just work on each project all the way thru, one at a time.

Of course that doesn't really leave the time for painting the kitchen and rearranging the blue room, but some how I'll fit it all in and life will be just fine.

I'm so excited to see some finishing in sight for my projects. yay me!!

....and the truth....

.... and the truth shall set you free.
i've been thinking about that this afternoon. the truth shall set you free. i wonder where that quote comes from. i seems to me that it comes from the bible, but i am not at all sure.

what i am really thinking is that sometimes learning the truth about someone is sometimes much more painful than living with lies. sometimes learning the truth does not at all free you, but creates a different type of bondage.

and the truth shall set you free. funny, i don't remember being tied