So long ago, I don't remember when
That's when they say I lost my only friend
Well, they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees

 

I've seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn
The long broken arm of human law
Now it always seemed such a waste, she always had a pretty face
So I wondered how she hung around this place

 

Hey, come on try a little, nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than in the middle
But me and Cinderella, we put it all together
We can drive it home with one headlight

 

She said it's cold, it feels like Independence Day
And I can't break away from this parade
But there's got to be an opening somewhere here in front of me
Through this maze of ugliness and greed and I seen the sun up ahead

At the county line bridge

 Sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead
We'll run until she's out of breath, she ran until there's nothin' left
She hit the end, it's just her window ledge

Hey, come on try a little, nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than in the middle
But me and Cinderella, we put it all together
We can drive it home with one headlight

Well, this place is old, it feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn
Well it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes
This place is always such a mess

Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
I think her death it must be killin' me

Hey, come on try a little, nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than in the middle
But me and Cinderella, we put it all together
We can drive it home with one headlight

Ozzie has not been doing well for a couple of weeks now.  Selena and I were having trouble getting her to come up for breakfast, and so after Lena left, I blocked the basement door and made her stay upstairs where I knew I could watch after her.
But I knew it was already too late.  She is a very sick little girl, and it looks like feline leukemia to me.  I am so sad.  I'm not sure that there is anything that can be done. 
I have an appointment for her tomorrow morning, very early.  The vet really wanted us in tonight. I'm pretty sure what is written in the cards.  I have only one more night with my little girl.  I want her to sit on my lap, but she won't leave the bathroom.  I guess I'll be staying in there with her then. 
My heart is heavy.  I am so sorry Ozzie baby

Thanks, Glee

When the day is long and the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life, well hang on

Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone
(Hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go
(Hold on)
When you think you've had too much
Of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand oh, no don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

And everybody hurts sometimes so, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts
No, no, no, no, you are not alone

Practice Extreme Self Care

I've been listening to many meditations and reading much "self help", and there are of course several themes that are repeating over and over.  One of them is to practice extreme self care.  If you do not take care of yourself, you can not care for another person.  You can't be a care taker, if you don't give care to yourself.
Self care might need to come before work right now.  Is that what I sold my house to do?  To take care of myself?  I know that I had planned on taking the first month to rest and heal, but I was not able to take that time.  And the more time that goes by, the more nervous I am about the amount of money that I have spent versus the amount coming in. 
This is the thought that occupies every waking moment and most of the sleeping ones.  Money is the first thought in the morning and occupies every conversation.
Suddenly I realize that this focus is the wrong one.  I have attached too much outcome to every item that I sew, every pattern or book that I list for sale, every bit of decluttering, every moment of work.  Deep inside me I know that this is not going to get me what I want or need.  If I don't get money off my mind, I'll remain stuck in the mud and never be able to move forward.
I'm thinking this is a little bit like looking for love or wanting to have a baby.  You have to turn your thoughts off and let things happen.  The harder you try, the more you spin your wheels.  The more you attach the outcome, the further away it moves.

Color code your papers for fun. Think ahead.  Do complete work.  Planning and paperwork are just as important as any sewing or beading.  Schedule it.  Don't beat yourself up for doing your paperwork instead of working on an order.  Just because things need to be done doesn't mean you can ignore the other parts of business.  How many hours a day, how many days a week, to what end?  Do it all, but do it gracefully, with extreme self care.

One Life, One Love

I found a great version of this song with Mary J Blige doing the opposition voice.  Just beautiful.  You should take the time to YouTube it

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say
One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One

One

One (U2)

btw, two negatives and two positives do sort of equal a break even, of a sort

Little Talks

Tonight it was really close between this one and Script's Break even, but I know I've got that one somewhere else  and little talks has come on in the car every time Selena and I get in.....

I don't like walking around this old and empty house
So hold my hand Ill walk with you my dear
The stairs creak as I sleep its keeping me awake
Its the house telling you to close your eyes
Some days I cant even trust myself
Its killing me to see you this way

Cause though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey! Hey! Hey!

There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back
Well tell her that I miss our little talks
Soon it will all be over and buried with our past
We used to play outside when we were young and full of life and full of love
Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I am right
Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear

Cause though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey!
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The streets all sound the same
Hey!

Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

*solo*

You're gone gone, gone away
I watched you disappear
All this life is a ghost of you
Now were torn torn, torn apart there's nothing we can do
Just let me go well meet again soon

No wait, wait, wait for me
Please hang around
I'll see you when I fall asleep

Hey!
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The streets all sound the same
Hey!

Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The streets all sound the same
Hey!

Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

And though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.

Didn't i make you feel like you were the only man ¡º yeah!
An' didn't i give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can ?
Honey, you know i did!
And each time i tell myself that i, well i think i've had enough,
But i'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.

I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby!
Oh, oh, break it!
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, oh, have a!
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it if it makes you feel good,
Oh, yes indeed.

I Wanna Come Over

I know you're home
You left your light on
You know I'm here
The night is thin

I know you're alone
I watched the car leave
Your lover is gone
Let me in

Open your back door
I just need to touch you once more

I want to come over
To hell with the consequence
You told me you loved me
That's all I believe

I want to come over
It's a need I can't explain
To see you again
I want to come over

I know your friend
You told her about me
She filled you with fear
Some kind of sin

How can you turn
Denying the fire
Lover, I burn
Let me in

Open your back door
I just need to touch you once more

I want to come over
To hell with the consequence
You told me you loved me
That's all I believe

I want to come over
It's a need I can't explain
To see you again
I want to come over

I know you're confused
I know that you're shaken
You think we'll be lost
Once we begin

I know you're weak
I know that you want me
Lover don't speak
Let me in

I want to come over
To hell with the consequence
You told me you loved me
That's all I believe

I want to come over
It's a need I can't explain
I want to come over
To see you, to see you again

Niagara Falls and the Hard Rock Cafe