writing......

.....tends to be a bit harder when there is nothing going on but trying to get well.
i've had this icky pain on my left side and we are trying to figure it out waht is causing it. i've not been feeling well since the first of the year. i was up at joe's house when this whole mess got worse and he felt the need to bring me home a day early
the next week i started with the doctor appointment... an emergency ultrasound and blood tests... this week we started two antibiotics, and i am hoping that helps. so far, not even the liquid diet is working.
so now we are looking at a c-t scan next week and going on from there
right now the antibiotics seem to be making me worse and not better at all.....

More Snow

I have to say that the snow was just beautiful today. I watched it falling as i did the dishes this morning, light fluffy flakes that just floated thru the air. I was not as much enjoying watching it build, higher and higher, on the sidewalk. I really wanted to get out there and get some of it shoveled before it got worse, but of course I did not do that. Instead I just went about my day, trying to make that self imposed noon deadline for getting things done and getting to work.

Now, that did not so much happen either. I think I spent a little too much time on morning pages, sorting christmas bins and putting off getting to work. I did get one class done this morning, an avon one, so at least there is that.

Setting my goals for sewing in a different way also cleared my head and allowed some moving forward. That was a good thing, because the sewing room is way too deep in confusion and is not going to sort itself!

The "between jobs" time slot of the afternoon found me outside shoveling, taking out bags of trash and tons of recycling (yay me!!). It felt so much better, just getting something out of the house done. The weather is supposed to pick up an artic blast, so I am sure I am not going to want to be going out at any other time in the next few days, even if I do have avon books to deliver.

Now on to the evening work, which tonight means ebay. Ozzie on my lap, Wacho at my side. Life is good. Or at the very least, what we make it!
t

time to set goals and move forward

i lay awake, tossing and turning, so many thoughts going through my mind. finally i get up and sit down in front of the computer... and all of the thoughts just float away, refusing to allow themselves a voice.
and so after writing one set of messages that were very hard to write, and after checking in on facebook....twice... i sit here, hoping that forcing myself to write will make me tired enough and empty enough to sleep
my eyes are burning from allergies as my ozzie girl sleeps on my lap. i've taken sinus medicine, not feeling much relief at the moment
i'm watching tv. rachel ray's vacation on san juan island in washington state. it looks like a good place to go. might be fun. i'd love to have the money to take real vacations
money. seems to me the main problem in just about everyone's life. ther is just not enough money to go around.
and so one of my goals for the new year. i earned more this year than last year, and next year will be even better. much better. at least 4 times what i did this year. ten times more is actually closer to a helpful amount.
i am working on the paperwork to finish out the last year. in spite of best intentions, i never keep up with what i have set out to do, and so i am trying to make up for months of neglect in just a few hours. my sewing paper work is almost done, i just need to create one more invoice. the ebay paper work is also almost done, with just a few entries that need information. avon is next and then the house paperwork... and setting up some goals for the new year.
i've started some classes, one of which is personal finance, and so i am thinking again about creating goals.... short term, middle and long term goals
this is something that i have taught in homeschooling and in the classes i used to teach. life skills. not really something i did myself in spite of the fact that i know it is important
so i step forward into the next year in front of me, even more alone than i was the last year, and yet not allowing lonliness to be one of the emotions that i hold on to. move through the day and keep busy. set goals and work toward them, in every part of my life. that is going to take a lot of thought, but it is something that is important to me.
now that i am staring at an infomercial, i think i need to shut down and try to sleep once again

many times, as i am working thru the day, pushing myself to get just a little more done, i wonder which is "better". should i give in and just rest today, thinking tomorrow will be a better day. i have to wonder if tomorrow Will be a better day, or if my symptoms will be worse and therefore forcing me to have lost time i could have used
funny logic. not really logic at all.
learn how to live each day to the fullest you can. not forcing, but going with the flow. paddling hard, but not straining to go forward in a river that does not exist.
give it a shot. try this thought. today is the only day we have. right now is the only moment. do something with it

the reality is

and so the catching up did not so much happen. i ended up borrowing the money to buy a few more items so that i could cut back on my sewing. it just got to be too much, too little and too late.
with the plumbing problems weighing heavy on my mind, i became exhausted with little motivation

and unfortunately, that has held true even now, weeks later. i still don't have the christmas boxes ready for either jeremy or megan's family... and i'm feeling really sad about that. i need to create the motivation from somewhere and get things done, and Marked Off My List.

so, life is. we all do the best we can do, i am sure of that. after getting a new Wii for christmas, and the turning of the year, my interest in getting stronger and getting things done is being renewed and that has to be good news.

i am rewriting my plan for the day and setting goals that include making things to put away for christmas and for saving money, as well as getting the house in order, with the thought of putting it on the market by March of 2012

this feels good!

now i need to think about the fact that a seem to still be fighting my diagnosis, and instead of living with in my limits, i am compelled to push those lines. i am doing way too much, as evidanced by the inablilty to do anything the "next" day, for three days now. yesterday when i exercised, my muscles shook just too much, and today simply moving the cat litter box and putting away groceries left me shaky/weak and headachy exhausted.

set resonable goals. get well and stay well. eat better. exercise every day. use start making choices.... it seems to be the only website left that tracks menu, exercise and well being.