It is hard
to be here right now

When really
I just want to be

Some
Place
Else

what i truly want
is to take just
a day off
and go some where. 


camping at devil's lake


milwaukee.


  just a day off.
away from the house.
letting the wind
blow thru my hair
and take my cares along.

just for a day.

or two

or forever

 The spring flowers made a great show this year.  I could not have been more happy with all the color and beautiful flowers to show for all the work we have put in over the years. 

The crocus broke ground early, in a warming that we had in the late winter and were the first to  come up, almost before it was even warm enough for them to pop their little heads out of the ground. 

It was not at all long before more and more color showed, the daffy and hyacinth mix was so pretty, each trying to out-do the other.  I'm sure this was just a mistake in planning, not know quite where one flower was planted before adding new bulbs, but I am so happy with the result.

The first of the tulips to pop up were the yellow ones, bending from the cold and wind, reaching for the sun, bright as the day light. 

The rhondodendren never lasts long enough.  I am so jealous of the huge ones that I see by my sister's house, and altho she assures me that those are years old, I am still rather anxious for my little baby to bloom longer and grow taller

 The tulips that Sara and I planted in my bricks last year were all breast cancer tulips that Becca and I had picked up at Wal-Mart.  This one, fushia trimmed with white, stood out just beautiful at the far corner.  I can tell each year is going to be better than than the last

 The double petaled tulips have a rose like quality, I wish I had gotten pictures of more of them.  Dainty little things

 The circle around the tree is still almost all my dark purple.  I have a few left the Remko had brought when he came from Holland to visit us, and the splashes of color in the purple make the front just amazing. 
One day, when they were almost all spent, Ruby and I went out and cut all the purple tulips, and one last yellow one for a vase in the house.  She was so proud of herself because she got to cut flowers
                                            with Grandma. 

 The Irises that I bought two years ago did great this year.  I had missed them last year because I was in Oregon, but I was thrilled to see them this year.  I have to try to find my notes to see if I made note of their names. 






 And then finally my peony is blooming. It has more buds every year and the flowers are doing great. Finally it has gotten over being made at me for transplanting it from the back yard. It only took five years!

Isn't it rich
Isn't it queer
Losing my timing this late
In my career.....

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight, spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door
And listen to you breathing, is where I want to be, yeah
Where I want to be

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm
Trying to identify the voices in my head, God which one's you?
Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel alive
And break these calluses off of me, one more time

You could be right and i'll be real
Honesty won't be a pain you'll have to feel
'cause i don't need your approval to find my worth
I've been trapped inside of my own mind
Afraid to open my eyes to what i'd find
I don't want to live like this anymore

There goes my pain
There goes my chains
Did you see them fall
There goes this feeling that has no meaning
There goes the world off of my shoulders
There goes the world off of my back
There it goes

Does it scare you that i can be something different than you
Would it make you feel more comfortable if i wasn't
You can't control me
You can't take away from me who i am

Have you ever felt that your only comfort was your cage
Your not alone i have felt the same as you
Have you felt like your secrets give you away
You're not alone i have been there too
Everyone is looking and everyone is laughing
But i think everyone feels the same
Everybody wants to feel okay
Everybody wants to
Everybody wants to feel

If I am right
If I can be
Constant and faithful
You will find me

In my devotion
In my devotion

But if you find a fault
Between my purpose and my deeds
And deem me beyond salvation
Judge me to be unworthy

Of your devotion
Of your devotion

If this be obsession, deliver me
A passing infatuation deliver me
A feeling lacking in purity deliver me
A test of fidelity deliver me
Deliver me
Deliver me

What if I should find
You're no good for me
What if I can't be strong enough
What if I can't break free

Of my devotion
Of my devotion

What in us needs to open so we can encounter to something completely new? Will we fear the irrevocable change of past assumptions, or embrace possibility?