i think that many times when we are facing an uncertain future, we long so completely for the past.  change is always difficult and when the change is something that we didn't expect it to be, we look for another change.  standing on the edge, looking out over the valley, all i want to do is turn around and go back down the path that i just came from, back to a time of safety, something that i know instead of the unknown.
right now all i want is to get one of those little duplexes in sun prairie and be able to take care of becca's kids, hugging them all the time and playing with them.
when i left madison, we all thought that this would be better for my health, that being able to set my own schedule and routine, i would get stronger and get well.  i am still waiting for that to happen, there have been so few changes in how i feel.  i still lose my energy if i over do.  i still get headaches that put me in bed all day.  i think the winter has harder on me than usual, and the need for change and spring and something to look forward to is strong right now